


Face the Music

by JenChaseTP



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Bullying, Cheating, Clueless Laura, Enemies to Lovers, Even more cluesless Carmilla, F/F, Group chat, Internet Friends, Secret Identity, Slow Burn, Unwanted Roommates, music camp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-10-04 23:29:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17313875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenChaseTP/pseuds/JenChaseTP
Summary: TW: Bullying, mentions of suicide (but I'll mark those separately when they're happening)For the past three years, school has been Laura's personal hell. Being bullied by the school's most popular couple, Ell Sheridan and Carmilla Karnstein, and their followers does not exactly make it easy to make any friends in real life, so she leans on her self-proclaimed support group made of internet friends.The summer break is about to begin and Laura cannot wait to spend two months at the Anglerfish Music Camp, far every from Silas High, her bullies and memories of a long lost friendship.Absolutely nothing could stop this summer from being the best one of her life.Right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really do/ believe in New Year's resolutions cause they've never worked out for me but after I'd written close to nothing in 2018, I have set it as my goal to at least write a couple of words each day, hoping that at one point I will get back to working on my book.  
> I've had this idea for quite some time, so I'm finally getting myself to actually writing it instead of just having the summary floating around on my computer.  
> I hope you like the story and I'll try my best to update as regularly as possible. I already know what I want to write, I just gotta do it (can't be too hard right? *immediately realises that they will regret this statement later*). I thought about only posting this when I've already got like half of it written but I know myself, I'd just post all of it at once and ignore any scheduling I might have had planned. I'm also pretty sure I need someone to kick my butt into writing so feel free to do that.  
> Anyways, I'm aiming towards updating every Saturday/ Sunday. Fingers crossed.
> 
> I have to add one more thing to this word vomit: English isn't my first language, so if something sounds weird or is straight up wrong, please tell me. One can only learn by making mistakes and being made aware of them.
> 
> In case you're still reading this, you're amazing and you look absolutely stunning today!  
> Have fun reading!

„Alright pumpkin, here we go.”, your father tells you while stopping the car.

“That’s dad, but you really didn’t have to drive me.”

“Nonsense, it’s the last day of school before you’ll be away for summer camp. I’m gotta use every opportunity to spend some time with my little girl.”

You try your very best not to roll your eyes as you gather your stuff for school.

“Not much longer and you’ll be going off to college. I can’t believe there’s only one year of school left for you. But you’ll still visit your old man, right?”

You can tell this is him trying to guilt you into staying with him over the summer but you’re done having that conversation, so you just nod and smile at him as genuine as you can.

“I’d imagine, you’d look a bit more exciting for your last day at school.”

Trying to hold back a sarcastic snort, you look out of the car’s window at your personal hell.

“I’m too tired to be excited right now. I gotta go now, or I’ll be late. See you later, dad.”, you say and take a deep breath before getting out of the car.

“Are you sure, you don’t want me to pick you up after school? You know it wouldn’t be a problem.”, your dad offers and you instantly shake your head no.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

The last thing you want is to draw even more attention to you by getting picked up by your dad in a police car. That’d just be another thing for them to annoy you with.

“Alright, well. Have fun, kid!”, your father calls after you as you’re already walking towards your school.

You turn around to quickly give him a little wave and he smiles back at you.

You’re long past the point where you felt guilty about not telling him about what school is really like for you. It’s not like he could do much about it anyways. Him reacting as overprotective as he usually is, would probably just makes things worse and they’re not worth switching schools for.

You enter the hallway and you can already tell that something is off. There’s the usual people staring at you but with some added snickering that makes you wonder what they’re going to humiliate you with today. With more awareness of your surroundings you head towards your locker, looking out for anything they might unexpectedly come at you with.

As you so far unharmed reach your destination you’re both relieved and worried when you see that they’ve once again used their unstoppable creativity to paint on your locker. There’s a drawing of what you believe is supposed to be you saying “I’m daddy’s little girl” and “I wanna fuck 11 year old Neville Longbottom”. You roll your eyes at the later statement and remind yourself that they don’t know you at all and only do those things because they apparently don’t have anything better to do. If they’d really be bothered by _you_ they’d know that you would rather go with Hermione but it’s not like you actually want them to know anything about you so you go to your locker and open it carefully, aware of the fact that this can’t be the only thing they’re doing to you today.

You’re positively surprised and yet suspicious as there isn’t any goo coming out of your locker nor anything else out of the ordinary. You wonder what else they’re gonna have in store for you today cause this can’t be all. You don’t think they’re gonna let you go into the summer holidays this easily.

Looking around you, you see that the other students are heading off to their own classes and no one is paying any more attention to you, so you take out the stuff you need for the day and slowly make your way to your math class.

You sit down at your usual seat and take out your phone to avoid any unnecessary human interaction until the teacher comes and class starts.

Sometimes you do wonder what exactly it was that made it so hard for you to make friends in person and lost you the ones you’ve once had but then you go through the latest text messages in your unofficial online support group and you suppress a smile.

 

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Anyone up to watching a movie? I’m bored._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _Isn’t it like super late for you rn?_

**_PantasicalCreature:_ ** _Yeah, but I can’t sleep._

**_AllBiMyself:_ ** _I see, I’m not the only one with Insomnia._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Maybe it’s a European thing we don’t know about?_

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _That sounds highly unlikely. I think we just dragged you into the American time zone thanks to this chat._

**_AllBiMyself:_ ** _I have no regrets._

**_PerryThePlatypus:_ ** _I’d be up to watching a movie!_

**_PerryThePlatypus:_ ** _But I also think you should really go to bed! Sleep is very important!_

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _Mother Perry strikes again!_

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _So which movie is it gonna be?_

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _Let’s all watch Bandersnatch and the one with the weirdest ending wins!_

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _Did I hear something about winning?_

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Classic Queerdo. Will only join conversation when they read something about a competition or Hayley Kiyoko._

**_AllBiMyself:_ ** _All hail our lord and savior Lesbian Jesus!_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Amen._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Classic Cupcake. Will only join conversation when she reads the word lesbian._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _Classic Panther. Will only join conversation when she reads that CookieMonster has texted something._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Shut it, Braniac._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _:p, don’t be rude!_

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _I’m sensing that there’s gonna be some flirting going on if we’re not gonna start that movie soon._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I can’t join :( I still gotta finish some homework. But have fun!_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Me too._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _Classic Panther, leaving the conversation, when Cookie has to go._

**_PerryThePlatypus:_ ** _Leave them alone, Laf._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Classic Laf, does whatever Perry says._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _I don’t know what you’re talking about._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _sure._

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _Movie?_

**_AllBiMyself:_ ** _yes, please._

\--later--

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Jfc, what kinda movie was that?!_

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _I will admit that I’m slightly disturbed._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _It was AMAZING!_

**_AllBiMyself:_ ** _I’m not surprised that you were into it._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _And I totally won._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _What makes you so sure of that?_

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _oh please, he sawed his father into pieces, how was that not the weirdest ending?_

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _Sometimes, I am scared of you._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _don’t be :p_

**_AllBiMyself:_ ** _…_

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _moments like these remind me why I haven’t shared any personal information with any of you._

**_AllBiMyself:_ ** _How was you vividly describing the crush you had on one of your teachers not sharing personal information?_

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _noooooo, please don’t bring that up again. I still have nightmares because of that one dream you’ve described._

 

You look up from your phone as you try to not show how much you’re currently trying to hold back your laughter. The last thing you need is for some idiot to take away your phone to see what you’re laughing about and finding out that you’re gay. It’s not like you’re scared they’d react badly, in fact you know they wouldn’t. After all, your school’s favourite and most popular couple is gay. But that doesn’t change the fact that you simply don’t want anyone here to know more about your life. All they’re going to do with any information is use it against you. You could save a puppy for Kiyoko’s sake and they’d still find a way to make fun of you for it.

 

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Good morning! SpAceQueerdo is right, that description was very graphic._

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _Morning? More like afternoon. And don’t you think I’ve forgotten about your obsession over Emma Watson._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _I don’t think any of us are gonna forget about that anytime soon ;)_

**_AllBiMyself:_ ** _Oh God. The flirting Americans are waking up._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I’d rather be in my bed still instead of sitting in this hellhole._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Me too._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _In your bed or in her bed?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _I’d prefer one over the other ;)_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _:)_

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _The amount of sexual tension in here is making me uncomfortable._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I don’t know what you’re talking about._

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _If the Asexual in the room knows it, then you know it too._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _AllBiMyself little help here, Panther?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _With what?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Don’t you think it’s time we’d tell them about us, babe?_

 

Once again you have to look away from your phone but keep your head down in hopes that your hair covers the enormous blush that is probably on your face right now. You don’t understand how a person, who’s face you’ve never even seen, can get these kinds of reactions out of you.

 

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _uhhhh, have you been keeping secrets?_

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _I KNEW IT! SINCE WHEN?!_

**_PerryThePlatypus:_ ** _Congrats you two!_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _OMG GUYS STOP IT_

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Is anyone actually surprised here? It’s been a long time coming._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _OMG! Panther was kidding! There’s NOTHING going on._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _You wound me, Cupcake._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Stop it, please. You’re just spurring them on._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _Wait, so are you dating or not?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _No!_

**_SpAceQueerdo:_ ** _Wtf just happened?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Idk, but I gotta go to class. If the Cupcake thinks we’re not dating, then I guess we’re not :(_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Omg, wtf, what does that even mean?!_

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _I have no idea what going on here anymore but it’s hilarious._

**_PerryThePlatypus:_ ** _Don’t be mean, Laf._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Yeah Laf, not everyone is as quick to recognize they have a crush on someone as you are._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _no one’s having a crush on anyone. You’re all ridiculous._

**_LafonBrain:_ ** _Thanks, Frosh._

“What’s got you so obsessed with your phone, Lauronica Mars? Got a secret lover across the sea?”, Carmilla Karnstein says as she’s taking a seat next to you.

You lock your phone so she can’t see who you were texting with and roll your eyes at her remark. Hoping that she’ll leave if she realizes that you have no interest in talking to her whatsoever, you busy yourself with talking out the books you will need for your following math class.

“No the usual talkative Laura Hollis today, I see. I wonder what’s gotten that cute little face of yours so bunched up?”, she adds on and it takes a lot for you to not just yell at her or preferably even, punch her in the face. As if you wouldn’t instantly recognize her girlfriend’s handwriting.

“What do you want, Carmilla?”, you ask halfheartedly, still avoiding eye contact with the devil’s lover.

“Just here to give you this.” She takes out a letter and holds it out to you.

You take a quick look at it but instead of taking it, you pick up a pen and start doodling on the corner of your notebook.

“What? You don’t wanna know what’s in it? What happened to your undying curiosity?” Carmilla starts using the letter to fan air at you.

“You might want to be a bit more careful with that. What If your girlfriend finds out you’ve been sending me love letters?”, you answer as calmly as possible.

Carmilla lets out a cold laugh. “Oh trust me, she knows she’s got nothing to worry about. Especially not because of you.”

You swallow and ignore the slight stabbing pain that goes through your heart as she says it.

“By the way, I don’t even know what’s in here. I’m just the messenger. And I’m also supposed to tell you that if you don’t open it, Lawrence will lock you in the boy’s changing room again. So you might want to go back to your annoying noisiness.” She interrupts your doodling by holding the letter directly in front of your eyes and then putting it down on your table.

You take a deep breath before picking up the letter without sending Carmilla another glance. Just as you’re about to open it, your teacher enters the room. “Hollis, Karnstein, I hope whatever important matters you think you need to discuss during my class can wait until it’s over.”

You nod silently and throw the letter into your bag as Carmilla slides her chair back to her own table.

You pay as much attention to the class as you possibly can but your mind wanders back to Carmilla, the letter and the fact that as of tomorrow you’ll be out of this place and at the music camp you had dreamt of going to since you’ve first heard about it two years ago. It’s still unbelievable that you father is letting you go there since it’s barely still in the state and well, a camp close to a forest. This will also be the first time you’ll be away from home for longer than a week and not spending it with you relatives.

You take a deep breath to bring your focus back to math instead of buzzing about escaping your life for a couple of weeks. There’s roughly another three hours left of your day at school and you’re too scared that they might figure out where you’re going this summer and somehow ruin that for you too. As soon as the bell rings you gather your stuff and try to leave but unfortunately, Carmilla abandons her stuff to be quick enough to grab you before you get out.

“The letter.”, she says and stares at you. “Whatever is in there can’t possibly be as bad as being shoved in the boy’s changing room.”

“Why would you even care?”, you spit back and rip your arm out of her grasp.

“Just open it. You don’t even have to read it. Just open it and I’ll tell them you did so they’ll leave you alone.”

You laugh and shake your head in disbelieve while using as much force as possible to rip open the letter, hopefully destroying whatever in written inside it. You read the words that bring the bullying you’ve had to go through for the past three years to a whole new level and it takes all of your strength to not just break down, punch Carmilla as hard as you possibly can or both. You bite the inside of cheek until you can taste blood, take a sharp breath and then grab you stuff and hurry out of the classroom. You should know better by now but you’re trying really hard not to cry so you don’t see Danny Lawrence standing by the classroom door and before you know it, you’re hitting the ground face first. There’s a numbing pain going through your skull and for a second you’re glad for it cause it makes you forget about the letter that is still in your hands. For some reason your grasping onto it even as you, not for the first time, gather your stuff from the floor. You hear a lot of people laughing but you brain is still hurting and you’re so used to being laughed at, this is hardly worsening your situation. What it worrying you though is the drop of blood you see on the ground right in front of you as you try to get back up as graciously as possible. As you’re standing, you bring your hand to your forehead and mentally curse at the warm wetness you’re finding there. You don’t know how bad this is yet but you already know that your dad is probably going to kill you and might not let you go to camp unless you come up with a really good excuse.

You decide that it’s probably better to go to the bathroom first instead of the school nurse, but just as you’re about to leave, Ell Sheridan, the school’s most popular blonde, stands in front of you and smiles.

“Oh no, clumsy you. Does it hurt, let me see?”

She takes a step towards you and grabs your shoulder so you can’t back away.

“You tell one person about that letter, and you’ll see the things we’ve done so far were nice in comparison.”, she whispers to you with the fakest smile plastered onto her face. “You’d better head to the nurse with that.”

She raises her hand and pokes the area around the cut in anything but a soft way. You flinch and close your eyes because you don’t want her to see the tears forming in them.

“Better get away from her, babe. You don’t want to get her blood on you, do you?”, Carmilla says and wraps her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, effectively bringing some distance between you and your bully.

“You’re right, babe.” Ell turns around to kiss Carmilla and you can feel yourself vomiting a bit in your mouth. “But”, the devil itself adds on, “Mister Vordenberg!”

You can feel yourself getting more anxious over what’s about to happen as your math teacher answers from his classroom.

“Laura fell and she’s bleeding but she won’t let me take her to the nurse’s office.”

You consider making a run for it but you know it’s a lost cause.

“Oh well, Fräulein Hollis. Let me see. No, this should most certainly be looked at by someone professional. Please Fräulein Sheridan, if you would be so kind.” Vordenberg pushes you as gently as an old man can towards Ell who just smiles at him and nods as she replaces his hand on your lower back with hers to guide you through the hallway. Too busy trying to come up with any proper excuse to make this whole scenario as harmless looking as possible, you first don’t realize that Carmilla is tagging along, walking behind her girlfriend like an obedient dog.

“What exactly do you have planned, Ell?” She asks as soon as you round a corner and are out of Vordenberg’s and most of your classmates’ sight.

“Getting us out of class, duh. And poor little Laura here to the nurse, right.”

Her hand leaves your lower back and she forcefully pinches you in your side. You suppress a whine and just walk a bit faster. Shortly before you reach your destination, you hear Carmilla speak up again.

“We really gotta go inside with her? I mean, you’ve made your point clear and she isn’t stupid. There’s no reason she’s gonna blab so let’s just go to class.”

“I’m throwing this whole pity fest to get us out of class. If you don’t wanna miss your precious music lessons then go head and get lost. I don’t need you for this.” Ell answers harshly and Carmilla starts to frown. You find it more difficult to believe that those two are in love with each other but what do you know.

After a short knock on the door, Ell pushes you inside. It takes a short moment but then Carmilla is once again trailing after her.

“Oh no, you poor thing.” Nurse Cochrane says to you and for the first time since you’ve entered the school building you don’t feel completely awful. “What happened to you?”

You open your mouth to lie to her but Ell beats you to it.

“She tripped over her own feet. I guess we all can’t wait for the summer break to start.” She answers with a fake laugh.

Cochrane nods and starts tending to your cut. “Thank you for bringing her in, but you won’t need to stay. I’ve got it from here Miss Sheridan and Miss Karnstein. Go back to your classes, please.”

“Let’s go, Ell.” Carmilla says quietly, already turning to head out but Ell just ignores her.

“Is there really nothing more we can do? We’re just so worried. Are you sure she doesn’t need to be picked up, or something?”

You would’ve snapped your head up if Cochrane wasn’t holding it so tightly right now.

“I mean, I’m sure Miss Hollis is going to be fine after I got this cut properly cleaned but since it’s the last day and I suppose you won’t be missing much anyway, you could go home if you wanted to.”

“I-“ You start but once again get interrupted by Ell.

“Well then you should definitely go home and rest. You don’t want to spend the first week of the break with a headache, right? Don’t worry, I’ll even call Officer Hollis for you. I’m sure he won’t mind picking you up.”

“No!” You say a bit too quick and a bit too fast and by Ell’s reaction, you can tell that this might be exactly what she wanted. “No, I’m fine, really. My head doesn’t even hurt anymore and I- um, I don’t want to miss any classes.”

“Oh don’t worry about that Laura. Your wellbeing comes first. You share today’s classes with Carmilla anyways. I’m sure she won’t mind sending you her notes, right babe?”

Carmilla just blankly stares at you and for a short moment you wonder if she remembers how much you always hated it whenever your dad went into his overprotective mode as soon as you’ve gotten a little scratch.

“Of course.” She answers clearly, yet free of any emotion.

“Perfect, I’ll call your dad. Be right back!” Ell answers enthusiastically and leaves the room.

There’s a moment of silence as you and Carmilla just stare at each other until Nurse Cochrane clears her throat while sticking a band-aid on the remains of your cut.

“So Miss Hollis, do you want to tell me why you’ve tripped over your own feet?” She asks while looking between you and Carmilla.

Carmilla raises an eyebrow while looking at you, almost as if she dared you to tell the truth but it’s been three years since you were able to read her like a book and if those years have taught you anything is that you can’t even trust the people you thought you knew best.

“I guess I was just lost in thought. And I’m naturally clumsy, so…” You shrug and weakly smile at Cochrane. “But this won’t hinder me in any way, right?” You ask as you point to your forehead.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Like, if I had plans for the summer, this wouldn’t stop me from them, right?” You know you sound a bit too hopeful and that Carmilla is still in the room and probably caught on to it but you just want to know for sure that they at least didn’t ruin your whole summer.

“I’d refrain from lifting heavy things until the cut is properly healed but other than that, you should be just fine.” She answers with a smile and you let out a relieved sigh.

“Could you, by any chance, convince my dad of that?” You carefully ask and the nurse starts laughing.

“I suppose Sherman is no less worried about the ones he cares about now than back when he was attending this school as a student himself.”

“Maybe even more.” You mumble but it doesn’t go unheard and Cochrane starts laughing even louder.

“I’ll tell him, he’d better take the advice of an wise old lady who remembers his young reckless moments that had gotten him into this very room all too well.”

Just as Nurse Cochrane gives you a reassuring pad on your shoulder, you hear your dad’s footsteps quickly coming towards you, accompanied by his voice.

“Laura! Thank god you’re alright.” He says a bit too loud and a bit too relieved and it makes you wonder what story Ell must have told him over the phone for him to arrive in less than five minutes. The all too bright smile she appears with in the doorframe tells you that she might as well had been describing your death.

“Dad, relax. I’m fine. It’s just a small cut.” You try to reassure him and send Cochrane a pleading look.

“Are you sure? Maybe it’s a concussion. I think I should get you to a hospital.” He takes you face into his hands and starts looking at your face in different angles as if he could x-ray you and immediately tell if you’re hurt.

“That might not be a bad idea, Officer Hollis. You can never be too safe.” Ell adds on from behind him but thankfully your dad doesn’t give her too much attention. You don’t specially talk about the things she torments you with every day but he does know that you’re not her biggest fan.

“That really won’t be necessary, Miss Sheridan. I think we all know that it takes a bit more than a small little cut for Laura to be tied to a hospital bed. Am I right Sherman?” Cochrane cuts in and winks at you.

“Are you sure you’re feeling all right, Laura?” Your father asks you hesitantly. “If not I can always cancel-“

“No!” You quickly cut him off. “I’m sure, dad. I feel way better already and I can lay down as soon as I’m home and by tomorrow I’ll be as healthy as always, right?” You smile at Cochrane, who nods in approval.

“Certainly. Now, you two” She points at you and your father. “drive home safely and you” She looks sternly at Carmilla and Ell. “get back to class. Sherman, I’m sure I can rely on you to make sure they won’t dawdle on their way back there?”

Your father _giggles_ and you might be scarred for life by that sound. “Of course, have a nice day Nurse Cochrane.”

You hop off the couch Cochrane had you sit on and hold back a snicker when you see Ell’s disapproving look as she realizes that it’s going to be rather difficult to skip class if your dad will literally escort them back to the classroom.

“So Carmilla, haven’t seen much of you for quite some time.” Your dad begins and now Ell isn’t the only one who’s regretting this escort arrangement.

“Well, you know, school’s been keeping me busy, sir.” She answers without looking at him.

“It’s also been some time since you’ve called me sir.”

Carmilla just shrugs and stays silent.

“Though I must say I’m quite glad I haven’t seen Will at the station for some time either. You’re keeping your brother in check?”

“He’s been less rebellious ever since Kirsch got him on the football team, sir.”

Your dad just nods and after that more or less failed attempt of small talk, you continue to walk in silence. You’re surrounded by some really awkward silence and you hope your dad doesn’t try to talk about it later because you don’t know how to explain this whole situation to him.

“Well then, I’ll see you around kids. Have fun in class and a nice break.” Your dad says as you reach the classroom. Ell heads inside without really recognizing that something had been said at all and Camilla just mumbles out a quick thank you before following her girlfriend.

You keep walking and you can feel your dad staring at you.

“Wanna talk about what just happened there?” He asks you with curiosity in his voice.

“I’d rather just go to bed and lay down for a while.”

“Well then” he nods as if he’d understand “we’d better get you home then.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite that awful last day at school, Laura is finally on her way to the Anglerfish Music Camp but it seems like the universe doesn't want her to catch her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made it in time! I guess it's an official schedule now *stress intensifies*  
> I hope you like this chapter. It's still sort of an introduction to the whole story.  
> I don't know what 2018 did to my writing cause normally I'd have to put a lot of effort into writing longer chapters but here we are. Over 5000 words for this one and when I first started thinking about that story and writing notes down for myself, this was still supposed to be part of the first chapter.  
> I can't guarantee that the chapters will always be this long but I promise you I'm going to try to be as consistent as possible.  
> I'm excited for you to read it. Let me know what you think about it.
> 
> Oh and hey, did I mention you look absolutely breathtaking right now?

„Laura? Are we ready to go?” Your father calls you from downstairs as you take one last look around your room to see if you’ve forgotten anything. Your eyes linger on the yellow pillow on your bed but you shake your head quickly. You should be long past that time. Actually, you can’t believe you’re still using it.

“Give me one second.” You call back and check the packing list you’ve got on your phone. It seems as if you’ve got everything.

“Don’t take too long, honey. You don’t wanna be late.”

The euphoria of finally being able to leave this town for two months hits you again and you kneel down to close the last bag you’re taking with you. It’s barely half filled and mostly contains stuff your dad wants you to take with you even though you know you won’t need it. Seriously, who takes winter clothes to a summer camp?

You find yourself looking up to that stupid pillow again and you hate that you can’t seem to get over what it means to you. Frustrated, you get up from the ground, grab the pillow and stuff it into the bag with as much detest as you can manage.

You hear your dad calling you again so you zip up the bag and carry it downstairs.

“This is the last one.” You say as he takes the bag from you.

“Are you sure you’ve got everything you need?” He stops in the doorway and takes one last look around your living room.

“Yes, dad. I’m sure. We’ve checked three times, remember?” Annoyed, you take the bag back from him and head to the car.

“I just want you to be safe, Laura, you know that.” You can hear the concern in his voice and you feel a little bit guilty.

“Yeah, I know.”

You know this is a big deal for him. This is the first time you’ll be away from home all on your own and it’s the first time your dad will be alone at home since your mother died. He’s always been overprotective but your mom’s death definitely doubled it.

“You’re growing up way too fast.”

You scoff and load your bag into the car. Only your dad would think his kid going to summer camp for the first time in their last summer holidays means they’re growing up fast.

You sit down on the passenger seat as your dad starts the car. You take one last look at your house and prepare yourself for a four hour long car ride filled with Top 40s music and hopefully more sleep on your side and less trying to converse with you on your dad’s side.

You went to bed pretty quickly yesterday, with him still worried about your head injury and all that, so thankfully, he didn’t try to talk about what had happened. You never told him what had truly happened with you and Carmilla back then, partly because you didn’t really understand it either, and he doesn’t know about how Ell, Carmilla and pretty much the rest of the school treat you. As far as he knows, you just stopped being friends because Carmilla was more invested in building up her relationship with Ell than maintaining yours.

You feel your phone vibrating in your pocket, effectively interrupting your train of thoughts.

 

**_Kirsch:_ ** _Hey little nerd hottie, are you feeling better?_

**_Laura:_ ** _How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me hottie? >:( but yeah, I’m fine._

**_Kirsch:_ ** _Sorry little nerd bro, and I’m really sorry for what they’re doing to you. I told them that it’s totally uncool but they won’t listen to me :(_

**_Laura:_ ** _Thank you Kirsch, but don’t worry about me. I can handle it._

**_Kirsch:_ ** _But I promised your dad I’d look after you! Maybe I can like warn you the next time they plan something._

**_Laura:_ ** _That’s sweet of you but don’t. We’ve talked about this. I don’t want you to get dragged down with me, too. They’ll probably find a way to throw you out of the football team._

**_Kirsch:_ ** _but if there’s anything you want me to do, you’ll tell me, right?_

**_Laura:_ ** _of course_

**_Kirsch:_ ** _So my dad said your dad said that you’re away for the summer. Where are you going?_

**_Laura:_ ** _I don’t know if you heard about it yet, the Anglerfish Music Camp. We’re currently on our way there._

**_Kirsch:_ ** _It does kinda sound familiar but idk why._

**_Laura:_ ** _I’m gonna try to get some sleep now. Thanks for checking in._

**_Kirsch:_ ** _no problem, little nerd bro, have fun at camp! Don’t be a stranger!_

**_Laura:_ ** _thanks :)_

 

You put your phone down and look at the road ahead. You’re roughly 30 minutes in and you smile as you see your dad bobbing his head to Taylor Swift.

You’ve known Kirsch for a pretty long time now. Your dads have worked together for years and ever since your mom died and his ran away to build a new life with a new family, they’ve grown even closer. Sometimes you do wonder if he could help you stop the bullying. You know he’d do it in a heartbeat but you’re also a realist and there’s no way that the two of you could go against pretty much the whole school, no matter how popular he might be. There’s no way he could go against Ell and him voicing his disapproval of the way his so called friends treat you had already gotten him benched during an important game, even though neither of you know how they had managed to pull that off. It’s more than enough for you to know that he sometimes warns you before they come at you with their newest plan.

You take a deep breath and try to leave any thoughts of your school behind. As cliché as it sounds, but this is supposed to be your summer; away from school, bullies and even, as much as you love him, your overprotective father. If only there wasn’t another three and a half hours of driving left until you can finally concentrate on your music. Your father is still driving in comfortable silence so in hopes of killing some time, you take out your phone again.

 

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Somebody talk to me please. I’m bored._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _Do you want me to talk about the coolest thing ever?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Please!_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _Okay so like, have you heard about the EPR paradox yet?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _No? I don’t think so. What is it about._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _It’s short for “Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen paradox and trust me this will blow your mind!_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _So, as you should know, Einstein, Podolsky and Rosen were some pretty insane theoretical physicists and they were like super annoyed by quantum mechanics so they came up with this though experiment._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _You’re supposed to entertain, not to bore even further._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Be nice! This doesn’t sound so bad._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _So the EPR paradox was their though experiment and they tried to show that the explanation to describe our physical reality that the quantum theory provided wasn’t enough._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _Thank you @CookieMonster. Also, rude @LargeMidnightPanther_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I thought you were a biology student?_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _So what they’ve basically said was that one particle has a spin of 0 and that parted into two particles that would have to have opposite spins so the equation would be true…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _I think they’re just an overall nerd._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _… and those two new particles flew into opposite directions towards infinity…_

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _School physics is kicking my butt and NOW IT’S HAUNTING ME HERE TOO_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _… and if someone then measures one of those two particle’s spin, they’d alter the state of that…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _At least now you know you’ve got someone that can help you with that @PantasticalCreature._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _… then the other particle that flew into the opposite direction would have to instantly chance it’s spin, too because otherwise the sum of them wouldn’t equal 0 anymore._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now but I’m definitely not bored anymore._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _And you all know that Einstein said that nothing is faster than the speed of light and that also means that no information can be transmitted faster than with the speed of light so they all thought that they’d found a flaw in the quantum theory…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _I can think of better ways to entertain you, cupcake ;)_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _… but turns out that nowadays we can actually measure that so essentially Einstein might have proven himself wrong but there isn’t enough research on the topic yet so we have to wait and see._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Are they done?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I can’t think of anything that you could entertain me with @LargeMidnightPanther :p_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Should I give you an example?_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _But isn’t this the coolest and most hilarious thing ever?! :D_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _No, it’s not._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Yes!_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Are you trying to act as if you understood that written rambling?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I mean… I’m sure it’s exciting if you know what that spin thing is…_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _Do you want me to explain?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Please don’t._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _:(_

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _You could explain Newton’s Law to me though? :)_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _Sure! The inaccurate version or the differential version?_

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _… the easier one_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _They’re both easy…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _You are aware that you could also use the private chats for this and spare the rest of us of this tragedy._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _If you’re allowed to publicly flirt here, I’m allowed to publicly science!_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _What flirting? There is an absence of flirting._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _You are one very oblivious cupcake._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _lol_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _lol_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _You are all awful._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _:*_

 

“Why are you smiling at your phone, honey? Who are you texting with?” Your dad unexpectedly asks you and you snap your head to look at him.

“Uhm, just Kirsch. He talked about his puppy chewing on the carpet again.”

Your dad chuckles. “That dog is as playful as his owner.”

You hum in agreement and look back at your phone.

 

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _If you could finally get it together please? Whatever this pining/ flirting thing is needs to stop._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I still don’t know what you’re talking about. There is no pining._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _I could always explain to you what they’re talking about ;)_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _jfc, please stop._

 

“So how are things in school?” Your dad once again tries to start a conversation with you.

“Fine.” You answer quickly and judging by the side glance he throws at you, maybe a bit too quickly.

“Are you sure? Cause you seemed a bit… off yesterday.”

“I fell on my face in front of the whole school dad. Of course I wasn’t my most enthusiastically self.” You try to defend yourself and hope he buys it.

“And how are things with you and Carmilla?”

 

_11 new notifications from QueerdomsCollide:_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _Seriously, get a room please._

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _I second this. I’d prefer weird science talk over awkward flirting._

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _and they think we’re the ones that should get a private chat._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Bold of you to assume we don’t already have one ;)_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _THEN WHY AREN’T YOU USING IT?!_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Now, where’s the fun in that? Right, Cupcake?_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _Looks like your girlfriend’s mad at you :p_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _@CookieMonster?_

**_PantasticalCreature:_ ** _Trouble in Paradise?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _stfu_

**_LaFonBrain:_ ** _:p_

_One new notification from LargeMidnightPanther:_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Hey, I’m sorry if I went too far. Please don’t be mad :(_

 

You smile at her concern and type out a quick answer.

 

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Not mad, my dad is talking with me. Ttys_

 

“Did you hear what I was saying?” Your dad asks after you didn’t answer him for a moment.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“That puppy must be really interesting if you keep staring at your phone that much.” He adds and you feel a bit guilty for trying to avoid the conversation. “I was asking about Carmilla.”

“What about her?” You wonder if he senses that you don’t want to talk about her.

“Well, I realized that it’s been quite some time since you guys hung out. I was just wondering why.”

“No particular reason… We’re both just busy, you know.”

“Busy with what?” Oh, he definitely doesn’t notice that you don’t want to talk about her. Or if he does, he doesn’t seem to care.

“You know… school, music. That kinda stuff.”

“But you still share most of your classes, right?”

“Yeah…”

“So why aren’t you still better friends? You never talk about her anymore.”

You suppress the need to scoff at that statement. It’s moments like these when your father tends to forget that your mom was the one that asked you about school and your friends and that he never really heard about any of that from you with him being busy with work. You feel a bit bitter thinking that he’s trying his best but ignoring the fact that you can’t even remember the last time he’d asked you about school or anything about your life really. You’re not mad at him for not showing more interest. After all, you don’t really want him to know what’s been going on at school. It just annoys you that he’s trying to talk about it now. If it weren’t for him picking you up at school yesterday, he probably wouldn’t have even noticed that Carmilla hasn’t been over in years and had he been a scratch more attentive about your life for the past three years, he’d know better than to ask questions about Carmilla.

“We talk…” You lie to him. “But she’s got Ell so…”

“So her romantic relationships are more important than her platonic ones?” You close your eyes and shake your head. You can’t believe this conversation is happening now when you have no way of escaping it.

“It seems so…”

“Are you sure there isn’t more to it?” He asks you and the tone of his voice changes so you start to be suspicious.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know… The both of you kind of acted weirdly yesterday. I just thought that maybe…”

“Maybe what?” You don’t like where this is going at all.

“Maybe you’re a bit jealous?”

You stare at your dad unbelievingly.

“Jealous of what exactly?” It calms you a bit that he still doesn’t know about the bullying but you feel like you still absolutely do not like where this is going.

“Well, your mom and I, we always saw how close you were and you came out to us shortly after she did and then you seemed very unhappy with the fact that she started dating Ell.” He carefully explains and your hands clench into fists.

“I wasn’t unhappy about them dating, I was unhappy because at the same time mom started getting sick! And I’m most certainly not jealous! I don’t even know what would make you think so!”

It is getting increasingly more difficult to hide the true reason why you detest Carmilla and Ell and everything about their relationship but telling him about it would only make this situation worse and you don’t want your stay at the camp be ruined by that.

“All I’m trying to say is that it always kinda felt as if you had liked Carmilla a bit more than just as a friend. But obviously, I can be wrong with that.” He’s trying his best to calm you down but you’re still angry at the implications.

“Obviously, you are. Can we just stop talking about that now?”

“Of course, the last thing I want is to fight with you before I won’t see you for two months.”

You turn your attention back to your phone and bite on your lip to keep yourself from smiling.

 

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Have a nice conversation with your dad :)_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _And again, I’m sorry if I overstepped._

 

From what you know about Panther she’s a really nice person and the more you think about her, the more you regret not having her be a part of your real life. She’s just so easy to talk to and kind and understanding though sometimes a bit insufferable. With her though, you know that when she’s picking at you it’s all in good fun and well, actually funny, not that you would ever admit that to her.

 

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Just a little bit. But nothing I can’t handle ;)_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Good to know._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _So what did your dad want to talk about?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Nothing too interesting…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _There’s nothing that isn’t interesting about you._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Oh yeah, I’m sure you’re dying to know about the amount and length of the naps I took as a one year old in great detail._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _That does sound strangely exciting._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _You’re unbelievable…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _One could also say I’m too good to be true ;)_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _And narcissistic as well_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _You don’t wanna talk about it?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Your narcissistic tendencies?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _No… that conversation with your dad_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Oh that._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Well like I said… not too interesting. He just wanted to know why I’m not hanging out with my ex best friend anymore…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _That time on the year when he’s trying to be a good parent?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Yeah… I know I shouldn’t be annoyed by it but it’s just so frustrating that he only asks me anything when it’s pretty obvious I’m not doing well…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _And then he asks about things he should’ve known literally years ago._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Exactly! And now he brings it up and I can’t help to start thinking about her even though she’s the last person I want to have on my mind._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Well, you could always just think about me instead ;)_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _You just can’t stop, can you?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _What can I say. You’re just too cute when you’re all riled up :p_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _That’s a poor excuse. You don’t even know what I look like._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Oh I don’t need to. I can tell you’re too cute for your own good just by the way you’re texting ;)_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Oh boy… you’re going to be really disappointed when you see me for the first time and have to realize that I’m an old, disgusting man…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Ha ha… very funny._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _And if you look anything like the way you’re writing, you’re probably a old, grumpy vampire._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _You wound me, Cupcake._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _:*_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _As nice as it is to talk to you, I got to go now. My sister and I are going on vacation and I’m gonna have to drive now._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Oh nice! Where are you going?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Ah you know… out. Enjoying nature and stuff like that._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _:D I never thought you’d be into camping._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Well, I’ve got to keep some of my secrets. Otherwise I’ll lose my air of mystery ;)_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Talk to you later, cupcake._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Okay bye! Be safe! :)_

 

You still got at least half of the ride ahead of you so you decide to put away your phone and try to take a nap. You tell your dad to wake you up in case he wants you to take over for some time and he says he will even though you both know that he probably won’t let you drive anyway. It’s a miracle he even let you get your driver’s license in the first place but your mom always talked about how excited she was for you to finally be able to drive. The two of you would spent hours planning vacations together but all of that was forgotten when she became sick and passed away before you got the chance to go through with it.

You wonder what it is about car drives for you to get all emotional and for all those bottled up thoughts to creep up to the surface again.

You take a deep breath, close your eyes and rest your head against the seat, stirring your thoughts towards the music camp you are continuously getting closer to.

\----

“Laura, wake up. We’re nearly there.” You feel your dad poking your left knee and slowly open your eyes just as you’re passing an Anglerfish Music Camp sign.

You can’t keep yourself from squealing and your dad laughs.

“I feel like I should be a little bit sad about the fact that you’re so excited to be away from home.” He says but you can hear in his voice that he’s happy for you.

“You know it’s not about being away from home, dad. It’s about-“

“The fact that this is the best music camp in the state and you can’t believe you got accepted and I’m actually letting you go there. I know.”

You smile at him as his pulling up to the parking lot.

Even though you’ve seen the pictures, you’re surprised by how much forest you are actually surrounded with. You know there’s also a lake nearby and all of the huts you’ll be living and working in but you can’t spot them through the trees. There are a couple of other kids arriving as well but by the looks of it, you’re one of the earlier arrivals. It doesn’t surprise you though. Most kids will probably arrive by the busses.

Your dad parks the car and you have to keep yourself from jumping out of it. You grab your backpack and put it on before taking your bass and acoustic guitar into your hands. You dad takes out the other two bags and closes the car before you both make your way to the small hut that says “Welcome Campers”.

There’s a woman that doesn’t look too much older than you, she’s probably a college student, behind a window in the hut. She smiles at you as soon as she sees you coming and you smile back at her, the excitement of it all growing stronger by the second.

“Hey, I’m SJ, are you here to check into camp?” You nod quickly.

“Great, then I’ll just need your and your dad’s IDs and we can get you settled in!”

You hand her the documents and wait for her as she disappears behind some shelves. It only takes a short moment before she’s standing in front of you again.

“Alright, Laura Hollis, guitar, acoustic and electronic, bass guitar and singing.”

You nod along as she lists the skills you’d applied with for this camp.

“Awesome, these are your keys. You’ll be staying at hut 307.”

You take the keys and your IDs and give the right one back to your father.

“You see that guy over there?” SJ points at a man with long dark hair that looks about her age currently making his way over to you. You nod again. “He’s going to take you to your hut and also show you around a bit since this is your first time here and there’s enough time until the busses will arrive. Hope you have a great stay!”

With that she disappears behind the shelves again.

“Hey, I’m JP. What’s your name?” The man introduces himself to you and you shake his hand while telling him your name. He greets your father as well and offers to take any of your bags but both of you politely decline. You like carrying your own instruments and your dad probably just wants to have a reason to accompany you for as long as possible.

“Okay, very well. Then let’s get you to your cabin.” He takes out his phone and you see him opening some spreadsheet. “Alright, Laura Hollis, 307.” He nods to himself and then motions you to follow him as he leads the way.

You take a small path behind from the parking lot through the forest until you go through a wooden arch that says “Anglerfish Music Camp” surrounded by tiny bronze instruments and music notes. You find yourself standing in the middle of an open ground surrounded by a couple of huts and two bigger buildings.

“This is the main square, where you’ll be working most of the time. The big building on the left is the main building with our cafeteria and pretty much anything else you might need during out stay here. The one on the right has our recording studios in it. The small path next to it leads to the lake.” JP explains to you and you get even more excited thinking about semi-professionally recording music for the first time.

“You’ll find out more about all this in the next couple of days and I’ll say a bit more after we put your stuff in your room.”

He keeps walking towards what one of the many signs around you signposted as “Square III”.

“There are four living squares around here. Each one of them has got 14 identical huts where you and your fellow campers will be living in. Contrary to prior years, we decided to lower the number of campers to two per cabin instead of four because you’re supposed to be focusing on practicing your music and we thought that might be more successful with a bit more space. You’ll be staying at 307, so that’s square three and hut seven. You’re here pretty early so I doubt your roommate is here yet.”

JP leads you to another square that is a bit smaller than the main one you just came from. The fourteen huts are aligned in a circle and JP is making his way towards the one with a bit 7 written on the door. There are a couple of benches and picnic tables around you and in the middle of the square is what you assume to be a fireplace. You stand in front of your door and you can hear your dad slightly panting behind you. To be fair, he did carry the heavier bags.

JP looks at you expectantly and you realize he is waiting for you to use the key to open the door. You find it in your pocket and hand it to him before picking up your guitar again.

“Oh by the way.” He starts as he opens the door for you. “We also put a lot of thought into the roommate pairings. Your profile said that you showed fantastic skill with the bass in the application you send to us so you got paired with a drummer as a roommate. The two of you will probably work a lot on rhythm together and hoe to provide a solid base for the melodic instruments you will be paired with.”

You carefully put down your instruments in a corner of the room and tell your dad to just put the bags down next to them. You’d already seen the bunk bed in one corner of the room and even though you really want to take the top bunk, you decide to be a nice person and wait for your roommate to arrive before you just claim it. Who knows, maybe the camp’s team didn’t just do a good job for a musical match but also paired you with someone who prefers to be on the bottom.

Next to a split closet and a couple of drawers, the room is pretty empty, which you are grateful for. You doubt that your roommate is going to set up a full drum set in here but you’re happy with every bit of extra space you’re given to practice your instruments.

“Alright. I’d suggest I’ll show you around a bit more right now, before more campers arrive.” JP says after giving you a moment to take in your surroundings.

“Yeah, sure.” You answer and look at your dad. “I could walk you back to the car afterwards?”

Your dad shakes his head and you can see that he’s trying not to get too emotional.

“No, you go explore the camp. I’ll find my way back to the car alone.”

JP nods and tells you that he’ll wait outside to give you a second to say goodbye.

“Promise me, you’ll be careful and that you’ll always take at least one can of bear spray with you everywhere you go.” He starts as soon as JP left the house.

“Of course dad. This is a summer camp, nothing is going to happen to me. And you made me learn Krav Maga, remember? I’ll be fine.”

Your dad nods and snivels before leaning down to you to give you one of his signature hugs. You hug him back as tight as you can, trying not to get emotional yourself.

“Okay dad, I can’t breathe anymore.”

The both of you laugh as he takes a step back to look at you again.

“And remember to call me. And if you feel uncomfortable at any time, you can come back home again. That’s not a problem.”

“I know, dad. But trust me, I’ll be fine.”

He wipes a tear out of the corner of his eye and nods to himself.

“Alright, then I guess I’ll get back to the car.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? I wouldn’t mind.”

“No, no, I’ll be fine. You take a look around and then rest up a bit. There’s lots of music waiting for you.”

You smile at him and give him one last hug before you both step out of the cabin where JP is already waiting for you.

“I’m so sorry Laura but SJ just called me and said she needed me at the reception right now so I can’t show you around.”

“Oh, that’s no problem. I can take a look around myself.” You answer quickly and he nods.

“Sure, but you could also wait for your roommate, she’s on her way. She’s been attending this camp for the last two summers so she knows her way around and I’m sure would have no problem with showing you everything. Even if she does, there will be a guided walk around camp before dinner, so you could always join that.”

“Alright, I’ll wait for her here.”

“Perfect. See you later, Laura. Mr. Hollis, do you want to join me on the way to the parking lot?”

You dad nods and gives you one last hug before leaving with JP. You look after him for a moment until he disappears behind another cabin so you make your way back inside. You see some guitar holders on the wall and start unpacking your instruments to safely store them there.

You’re in the middle of widening the holder a little bit for your acoustic guitar to properly fit in, and you’re a little bit embarrassed by the fact that you have to stand on you toes to properly reach it, when you hear the door opening and shutting behind you followed by someone silently cursing. Must be your roommate, you think as you turn around to greet her.

“Hey I’m… Carmilla?! What the fuck are you doing here?!”

You’re both just staring at each other for a quiet moment, not wanting to believe the obvious until she answers you looking as dreadful as you feel.

“Looks like I’m your new roommate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun, duuuuun. Who would've ever guessed that?! :D
> 
> Want to virtually yell at me? @JenChaseTP on Twitter.
> 
> I hope you have a nice day! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla are really having non of that living together stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> This is now the full third chapter of the story.  
> I hope you enjoy it and have a great day!

“I’m really sorry but my hands are tied.” The camp director tells you without looking even the slightest bit sorry.

“Oh come on Mattie. There must be something you can do.” Carmilla insists and you are glad that for once you two share the same opinion.

“I can assure you that even if I wanted you two to switch cabins with other campers, there would be nothing I could do.”

“Why the hell would you want us to stay in the same hut together.” Carmilla beats you to asking the question that was burning on your tongue.

“Well, if I’m honest, the two of you are a perfect match. Carmilla, this is your third year with us and you know this camp better than anyone so you can guide Laura through her first time here. Plus, the two of you are in the same age group, both of you are incredibly skilled and your instruments fit perfectly together. I expect nothing less but greatness from the two of you.” Mattie explains and if you did not hate the universe before, you sure as hell do now.

“Well, I won’t be able to make any music. Not with her.” You say angrily. There is no way you can work together with Carmilla for two months without getting a nervous breakdown or killing her. Come to think of you, who says those two have to be mutually exclusive?

“Then I suggest you’d better start to practice together right now. The only way anything about your living arrangement could change is in case of harassment. So unless you want to tell me that that has happened already in the first 10 minutes of you being here, I’m asking you to please shut the door on your way out.”

In the corner of your eye you see Carmilla staring at you but as you turn to her, she looks at the ground. She seems different here than at school. Almost insecure maybe even a bit nervous.

“Look Mattie… we’re from the same school and we aren’t exactly friends so living together would make us both uncomfortable.” Carmilla tries to explain and you really want to scoff at that.

“Well, have you tried living together yet?” Mattie asks with a raised eyebrow and you both shake your head no. “So you don’t know that yet.”

“Mattie…”

“Carmilla, I know that this camp is important to you, so please don’t make me inform your mother about this.”

At the mention of Lilita, Carmilla visibly shrinks back and quickly nods her head. “Alright.”

“Laura, are you fine with this, too?”

Both Mattie and Carmilla look at you expectantly and for a moment you wonder what would happen if you told Mattie about everything. The thought of her having to leave camp should make you happy considering the relationship the two of you have had over the last three years. But instead, you remember how much time you spend at your place during the summer holidays either because Carmilla’s mom was not home or Carmilla did not want to be there in the rare cases that she was. You watch her carefully and start to feel guilty as you realize that this place really does seem to mean a lot to her and no matter how much you hate her, the memories of your shared past are too strong to ruin this for her. Plus, Mattie would for sure have to tell your dad about it and you really do not want that to happen.

Without looking away from your past friend you nod and you can downright see her relief.

“Fantastic. And since you are in dire need of bonding, I am certain you cannot wait to show Laura around camp right now, am I right Carmilla?”

Carmilla nods and you throw her a downright murderous glance.

“Then I suggest you’d get on with that now.”

It is clear that those are Mattie’s last words as she practically shoos you out of her office with a head movement. Without paying any more attention to Carmilla, you leave the office and start heading to your hut. You know that you should probably start taking a couple of deep breaths because you are fuming with anger but quite frankly, you do not want to calm down. This situation is awful! It is everything you did not want to happen. You wonder what you did wrong, how you gave yourself away that Carmilla, out of all people, is now here with you. This is not even a bad joke anymore.

You really want to tell yourself that you are overreacting and this is not as bad as you make it out to be but it is. The person that tormented you for the past three years, that probably hurt you more than anyone else in life, is going to be living together with you for the next two months.

For once, you wanted to have a nice summer, away from all the drama back home. Only this one time, you wanted to have a fresh start without bullies or a paranoid father.

It is no wonder that the universe hates you this much. It is probably biased. After all, it was always Carmilla staring at the stars and imagining being up there next to them. Can the universe not fulfill her biggest dream and catapult her to the moon. You bet she would appreciate that.

“Hey, Laura! Wait!” You hear her yelling after you but you gracefully ignore her as you take even bigger steps towards your cabin.

You would also really appreciate her being on the moon right now.

“Oh come on. Just hold up for a second.”

You are a little bit proud of you that she cannot catch on to you without starting to run. It is funny since she always claims to have oh such much stamina when it comes to other… stuff.

You jump up the two steps to your cabin and throw the door behind you shut. Apparently, Carmilla left it wide open when she came after you as you were making your way to the camp director but you honestly could not care less about that now. It is not as if this is going to be the only thing that is going to make her a terrible roommate.

Roommate… ugh. Maybe Musk could use her to test the first humanly occupied rocket to Mars?

“Really Laura?” You hear her say behind the door before she opens it and joins you in the cabin.

Meanwhile, you are already unpacking one of your bags and alternately throw some stuff on the top bed and some in a random drawer. Screw the idea of being nice and collaboratively deciding who is taking which bed. You are going to be on top.

“So, we should probably talk about this.” Carmilla starts but you refuse to talk to her. You are still way too angry to have a discussion that does not involve you yelling, crying or punching her in the face.

She apparently is not the brightest anymore because it takes a minute for her to realize that you have no interest in talking to her whatsoever.

“Remember that lovely conversation we had with Mattie just five minutes ago? I’m supposed to give you a tour.”

You are done unpacking, and by that you mean resentfully throwing around pieces of clothing, one of your bags so you grab the next one and nearly rip the zipper open.

“Want to unpack first? Fine. But Mattie’s going to come for both of us if she doesn’t hear about us being seen at camp together.”

You can hear Carmilla close the cabin door behind you and you guess she is making her way to the duffle bag that you vaguely remember her putting down in another corner of the room. You glance towards her to make sure she is too busy to watch you and then throw that god awful yellow pillow on your bed and partly hide it under the pillow and blankets that are provided by the camp. As if you had not already regretted taking that with you but you are self-aware enough to not deny being able to sleep better with it. For whatever sadistic reason your subconsciousness came up with, you are unable to just… get her out of your head.

You decide it is probably for the best if you put the bag filled with bear spray onto the closet so it is not in your way, even though you do start to wonder what would happen if Carmilla, accidentally, of course, had a little incident with bear spray.

That might be a bit harsh. So might sending her to the moon but it is not like you were ever particularly good at thinking straight around her.

There is a table with two chairs in the corner diagonally from you and you take one of them to help you reach the top of the closet.

“Need a hand there?” Carmilla asks you and you can feel her behind you as you climb up the chair.

You still refuse to react to her in any way so you just grab the bag and lift it up over your head and onto the closet, bear spray rattling around in it.

Without looking, you take a step back to get off the chair again. Apparently, Carmilla has been a lot closer to you than you thought and did not get out of your way fast enough so you step on her foot and stumble a bit. She grabs your waist, probably to keep both of you from clumsily falling to the ground and for a second she is pressed tightly to your back. You cannot help to realize how warm she feels against you and you hate that your face starts to flush.

“Get your hands off me!” You yell at her while tearing out of her grip.

She takes a step back and you are grateful for the distance between you.

“Gee, I was just trying to help you.” She answers while putting her hands up.

“Yeah well, your help is neither needed nor appreciated, so please don’t.”

You take the chair and put it back down next to the table.

“Noted. Next time, I’m just going to let you fall on your face.”

“I wouldn’t have fallen if you hadn’t been in the way.”

“Oh god forbid I try coexisting in a room with you.” You are all too familiar with her sarcasm and it is not even the slightest bit less annoying than usual.

“Just leave me alone, Carmilla.” With nothing left to unpack anymore you just want her to not be close to you. There is no way you can come up with anything else you could do right now instead of taking that fucking walk around camp with her.

“Trust me, nothing would make me happier if I could. But unfortunately you just had to run to Mattie to whine about this and now she’s making us do this.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault that we’re here together?”

“Well, I have been here for the past three summers and you’re the one that just randomly showed up here, so yeah.” She aloofly shrugs her shoulders and you regret not taking at least one bottle of bear spray out of the bag. Not that you would have sprayed that stuff on her. Right now you would prefer throwing that can at her head.

“You was here first? Really? Very mature of you, Carmilla.”

“This conversation stopped being mature when you started ignoring me. In fact, it was already immature when you ran to Mattie.”

“As if you want to live with me any more than I want to live with you!”

It is getting increasingly more difficult to not raise your voice too much but you know that by now there are other campers around and you do not want to draw that much attention to you by throwing a scene on the first day.

“Well, our sleepovers always used to be great. I’m sure it’s going to be thrilling to repeat one for old time’s sake.” You can tell she is trying to mock you and you know there is not much more you can take until you finally break.

“Fuck you, Carmilla. Everything I remember from our old fucking time together is telling me that I should get as far away from you as possible.”

“Well, would you look at that. Laura Hollis swearing. Though I’d never lived to see that day. Maybe people do change.”

You cannot help but laugh at the fact that she thinks you are the one that has changed. As if her changing into Ell’s little minions was not the reason for your friendship to end.

Thinking it is probably best for whatever is left of your sanity, you walk right past Carmilla and out of your cabin.

“Are you seriously running right back to Mattie right now?” Carmilla calls after you and you guess she is following you again because she is starting to sound less indifferent and sarcastic but more annoyed and maybe even slightly worried.

“No, even though I totally should.” You answer quickly while taking big steps towards the main square.

“Then where the hell are you going?”

For the third time this day, Carmilla is having troubles keeping up with and you really wish you could find this situation more amusing but there is nothing positive about her being here with you.

“JP. He said there was going to be a tour around camp later for all the new ones. So I’m going to figure out when and where that is going to happen.”

“No, you won’t.” Carmilla grabs your wrist from behind and pulls you back so you are standing face to face with her.

“Can you just stop fucking touching me already.” You say through gritted teeth.

“If you just wait a fucking second before running off again, maybe I could.” She answers equally enraged.

“Well, if you did anything else than just mock or harass me whenever we’re speaking, maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to get away from you as quickly as possible!” You hate the fact that you sound as vulnerable as you do but there is nothing you can do to change that and you are secretly glad that this whole situation has you not breaking down in tears already.

“Well, I don’t enjoy being in your presence either but we don’t have much of a choice with this right now.” You wonder why it still kind of hurts whenever Carmilla makes clear just how much she truly dislikes you. It is not like that is new to you so it really should not affect you this much. “You heard what Mattie said. I have to be to one to show you around camp, otherwise, she’ll make us do some other awful thing.”

You wonder what possible thing Mattie could come up with that would be worse than living together with Carmilla.

“Fine then.” The thought of the next two months is making you feel empty inside. “Lead the way.”

 

 

*****

 

 

“And how was the bus ride?”

“Fine, I guess. Not too exciting. Saw a bunch of trees.”

“Well, they must’ve been very interesting since you were too busy to answer me.”

You try your hardest not to listen in on your roommate’s FaceTime call but that is practically impossible because Carmilla is speaking with a louder voice than she would use when speaking with you and you are pretty sure her phone volume is cranked up to the maximum.

“I did sleep for most of the ride.” Carmilla answers and for whatever reason, you hate that she has to justify herself for not being available to her girlfriend at any given moment. Maybe because it reminds you a bit of your dad and the thought of dating someone that would make you think of your dad really does not sit well with you. But then again, their whole relationship never sat particularly well with you so it only seems fitting.

“Oh yes, as long as you don’t miss any second of that precious camp of yours. I still don’t understand why you’d rather spend your summer there, all by yourself and not at home with your very attractive and now also very lonely girlfriend.” Ell’s tone is obviously getting more seductive and you feel even more uncomfortable than before.

You are laying on your bed after you successfully and officially claimed the top bunk with only minimal resistance from Carmilla’s side (“Can’t say I’m surprised. You always used to be the dominant one in our relationship. No wonder you still want to be on top.”) and staring at the wooden ceiling. You wonder if counting all the little marks in the woods will distract you enough from the conversation you are currently forced to witness.

“Well, I think we both know that I’m more than capable to entertain you plenty even when I’m not with you.” Carmilla answers and her voice is sending chills down your back. You do not want to know how you would react if that tone was ever directed at you. Not that you would want that to happen. Ew.

“Don’t start something you’re not able to finish.”

“What makes you think I won’t finish it?” Carmilla says and you really do not like where this is going so you sit up in your bed and stare at her angrily.

Your abrupt movement catches her attention and she rolls her eyes.

“Unfortunately, my roommate is already here, so we’ll have to continue this later.” She explains to her girlfriend and you are glad that she apparently still has some modestly left.

“See, I told you, you wouldn’t finish it.” Ell sounds slightly more annoyed than before.

“Oh god, I nearly forgot the reason why I called you in the first place!” She adds on quickly. “You’ll never guess what Kirsch told Danny today.”

“Why were you talking to Danny? I thought you were still annoyed that she hasn’t gotten Kirsch kicked out of the team yet.”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that she said that Kirsch told her that one Laura Hollis was also attending your precious camp this summer.”

You can feel you stomach dropping. Immediately, a thousand different scenarios jump to your mind of how exactly Ell is going to get Carmilla to make this the worst summer of your life. You feel like you are about to cry.

“Really?” Carmilla answers nonchalantly.

Your head snaps up to look at her again but this time she does not pay you any attention.

“Yes! You haven’t seen her yet?” Carmilla just shakes her head no and to say you are confused would be the understatement of the year.

“Oh well, you’re going to have to change that. Just think about the endless possibilities to-“

“Ell, I’m here to make music.”

There is a rather long and uncomfortable pause in their conversation and a part of you really wishes you could see more than just Carmilla’s emotionless face.

“Yes, of course. Carmilla and her music. You’ll be there for two months. There’ll be plenty of time to do music and have some fun with Hollis.”

“What’s it to you if you’re not here to enjoy that fun?”

You want to punch Carmilla for saying that. Less because they are basically talking about bullying you with you sitting in the very same room and listening to them after all, Ell does not know that and you are glad that Carmilla did not tell her. But more because you would not put it past Ell to somehow find a way to join the camp even though the rational part of you knows that it is not easy to get in and practically impossible to do so after missing the deadline.

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it as much as I do.”

“Is there something else you want to talk about? Cause I don’t really feel up to thinking about Lauronica Mars while talking with my, what did you call yourself, very attractive girlfriend.” Carmilla is clearly trying to change the topic back to the sex talk and you cannot believe that you actually want her to succeed at that. You would rather have to listen to them making moves on each other than them plotting a very different kind of move against you.

“Actually, I don’t. Have fun at camp.” Ell sounds positively pissed and hangs up without giving Carmilla a chance to answer her.

You keep looking at her because you are not really sure what has happened just now.

Carmilla notices that you started staring at her and again, rolls her eyes at you.

“Got something on my face?” She keeps staring back at you without moving an inch out of her slouching posture on a chair across from you.

“Why did you do that?” You cannot help but ask.

“Have a phone call with my girlfriend? It’s called being in a relationship, but as far as I know, you don’t have that much experience with that. But don’t worry, I’m sure one day some nice, handsome daddy approved boy will teach you more about that.”

You are very confused for a moment until you realized that you never came out to Carmilla because she was too busy with Ell back when you went through all that. And then afterward… well, there was not really any reason why you would tell her.

“I might not know everything about relationships but I’m pretty sure you aren’t supposed to be lying to your partner. It’s called trust, Carmilla, but as far as I know, you don’t really care too much about that.”

For the first time since you have returned back to your cabin, her face shows some emotion.

“You know what. Fuck you, Laura. You don’t get to accuse me of anything after I helped you.”

It is clear that she is pissed at you but you do not care and still do not know why she lied to Ell in the first place.

“What, are we just going to act like you won’t be telling her everything about this and me as soon as I’m not in the very same room to listen?” You are starting to feel like lying in your bed is not the best position to be in to start what is probably going to turn out to be a pretty heated discussion so you make your way down.

“Why would I be doing this? I’m here to make music and that’s it.” As Carmilla sees you climbing down your bed, she sits up straight and puts her phone away.

“Because you fucking hate me Carmilla! Because you bully me every single day at school and are determined to make my life as miserable as possible as it seems. Why wouldn’t you jump to the opportunity to just keep going with it?!” You are starting to raise your voice even though you know that there are other campers around you. But the cabin door is closed so you hope that you are not as audible to the outside as you think.

“No, that’s Ell. Not me.” She excuses herself very poorly and it is just making you angrier.

“Is that what you’re trying to tell yourself? That you’re just watching from the sidelines? Really? What about that fucking letter yesterday?”

You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes just by thinking about it.

“Come on, that’s just a letter. And I don’t even know what it says.”

“Just a letter? You want to know what it said?” You are shaking and crying by now but still, you take a step closer to Carmilla, who is visibly taken back by your attitude.

“In that letter, your girlfriend explained to me in great detail how- that I should just-“ Carmilla is looking at you expectantly and if you did not know better you would think that she even seems a bit worried.

You realize that you cannot say it out loud. You could not even tell your friends about it so you are definitely not able to tell her. Just thinking about it makes it impossible to keep the tears from streaming down your face.

“You know what. You’re right. It’s nothing. Just a letter.”

You take a couple of steps back and grab your phone from your bed. You cannot stay here and keep looking at her face.

“Wait, Laura.” She tries to hold you back as she realizes that you want to leave.

“No. I’m heading out. You go have fun with your girlfriend.”

You storm out of your hut and nearly run into a little girl who is struggling with carrying a contrabass case that seems twice as big as she is. Figuring that it is probably for the best to not be alone right now but also be as far away from Carmilla as possible, you offer the kid help with her instrument which she gladly accepts. You get the feeling that she is aware that you have been crying but does not say anything, for which you are really grateful.

You take the case from her as she tells you that her name is Emily and where she was headed. The both of you start walking alongside each other and with every step, she is reminding you a bit more of a younger version of yourself. She talks a lot and uses her hands to emphasize and you find out that she just turned 14 and this is her second year here.

You are also really glad that, after you told her that this is your first time, she starts to explain every building you are passing in great detail. It is the total opposite of the tour Carmilla gave you, where she just named every building and practically sprinted around camp so you were done in less than 15 minutes. Not that you were not glad about having to spend less time with her but you are a bit worried that you are going to get lost at one point.

Emily seems a little bit sad after you tell her that you play the bass since it means that you are very likely not going to be playing together. She does, however, make you promise that you will sit with her and her friends from last year at dinner.

“I can introduce you to them right now if you want.” She says after the both of you leave the hut in which she put her contrabass. “We are all staying in the same living square so we can just go back there now.”

You have been away from Carmilla for barely 20 minutes and you are not even remotely close to being ready to see her again so you decline politely.

“Okay, is there something else you want me to show you? Cause otherwise, I’ll have to go back and unpack.”

You shake your head. “No, I’m fine. JP already showed me around a bit back when I arrived. I think I’m just going to go see the lake.”

Emily nods quickly and tells you that it is a fantastic idea since the lake is beautiful but sometimes you do not get enough chances to spend time there. She hugs you goodbye and tells you to find her at dinner before she heads back to her hut.

Only the way down to the lake you watch campers all around you unpacking their stuff. You smile at their happiness and excitement but cannot help to feel a little bit down. Not even 24 hours ago you really thought you could be one of them, just as excited to be here. For once you allowed yourself to anticipate joy but once again the universe found a way to screw that up for you. It really makes you wonder what you did wrong those three years ago that you cannot seem to be happy anymore.

You are glad to find the lake empty of other campers and take a seat on a smaller boulder by the water’s edge.

Emily was right, it really is beautiful. The water is calm and reflecting the sun that maybe has an hour left until it disappears behind the smaller mountain on the other side of the lake.

You feel your phone vibrating in your pocket and for the first time since you have arrived here at camp, you pay attention to it.

Your dad texted you to tell you he arrived at the hotel before making his way back home tomorrow and for a second you consider telling him to take you with him but then you think about Emily. Maybe the next two months will not be so bad if you can hang out with her and her friends instead of spending too much time with Carmilla. So, just like you would do if you were at home right now, you tell him that everything is fine and tell him to stay safe tomorrow.

 

_3 new notifications from Kirsch:_

**_Kirsch_ ** _: LITTLE NERD BRO!_

**_Kirsch_ ** _: I remembered why your camp sounded familiar!_

**_Kirsch_ ** _: Carmilla is gonna be there too!_

**_Laura_ ** _: Really?_

 

You think that it is probably for the best if you do not tell Kirsch about your living arrangements. After all, he is really bad at keeping a secret and as far as you know, Ell does not know about you sharing a room with her girlfriend yet either. Though it is very likely that Carmilla has probably told her by now.

 

**_Kirsch_ ** _: Yes! You haven’t seen her yet?_

**_Laura_ ** _: I was a bit busy with unpacking._

**_Kirsch_ ** _: Right. But like, you’re gonna talk to her, right?_

**_Laura_ ** _: Why would I want to talk to her?_

**_Kirsch_ ** _: So you can become bros again!_

**_Laura_ ** _: Why would I want to be bros with her?_

**_Kirsch_ ** _: Cause you used to be best bros! And when you’re bros again then I won’t have to pick sides at school anymore!_

**_Laura_ ** _: Sorry Kirsch. But that’s not going to happen._

**_Kirsch_ ** _: But why not? :(_

**_Laura_ ** _: I’m pretty sure Carmilla doesn’t want to be bros with me._

**_Kirsch_ ** _: But you’re awesome!_

**_Kirsch_ ** _: And I bet she misses being bros!_

**_Laura_ ** _: I don’t think so…_

**_Kirsch_ ** _: Can you at least like… try? I can talk to her too if you want._

**_Laura_ ** _: I see what I can do…_

**_Laura_ ** _: But please don’t talk to her about me._

**_Kirsch_ ** _: Okay little nerd bro._

**_Kirsch_ ** _: I gotta go. I’m working at the pool this year._

**_Kirsch_ ** _: I’m a lifeguard now :D_

**_Laura_ ** _: That’s great Kirsch. Have fun!_

**_Kirsch_ ** _: Thanks! You too!_

 

You sometimes wish Kirsch would be better at keeping secrets. It would be nice to have someone close to you that you could talk to. But you are more than happy about your virtual support group and the sense of anonymity makes it easier to share more painful moments.

Speaking of which…

 

_60 new notifications from QueerdomsCollide:_

 

You quickly scroll through them to have a sense of the conversation they had until this point. There is the usual amount of fanpersoning over various different people and complaining about their local conservatives. You do however completely miss the connection between racist assholes and Chris Pine’s penis.

 

**_AllBiMyself_ ** _: All I’m saying is that it is a very beautiful penis._

**_PantasticalCreature_ ** _: Idk, I wasn’t very impressed._

**_SpAceQueerdo_ ** _: This conversation is making me very uncomfortable._

**_AllBiMyself_ ** _: To be fair, the scene was so dark you couldn’t really see that much of it._

**_PantasticalCreature_ ** _: Then how do you know that it’s beautiful?_

**_AllBiMyself_ ** _: It’s Chris Pine’s penis. Obviously, it has to be beautiful._

**_SpAceQueerdo_ ** _: Can we please stop this conversation?_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: How did this conversation even start?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: We could just start talking about Charlize Theron’s everything instead._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Yes. We could do that._

**_SpAceQueerdo_ ** _: Idk what I prefer… You pining over each other or thirsting over middle-aged actresses…_

**_PantasticalCreature_ ** _: Very cliché lesbians._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Can you blame us?_

**_PantasticalCreature_ ** _: Absolutely not._

**_LaFonBrain_ ** _: Wild things happen in here when you all are left alone for a second._

**_PerryThePlatypus_ ** _: I don’t get your need to oversexualize everything._

**_SpAceQueerdo_ ** _: Thank you, Perry._

**_AllBiMyself_ ** _: It’s a penis. How can you not sexualize that?_

**_SpAceQueerdo_ ** _: Can we just talk about something else?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: I thought we were talking about Charlize Theron?_

**_LaFonBrain_ ** _: Perry and I actually have some really exciting news if you’re aren’t too busy for that._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: What is it?_

**_PerryThePlatypus_ ** _: Well, LaFontaine and I already knew that we don’t live too far away from each other._

**_LaFonBrain_ ** _: And we just found out that we’re attending the same convention next weekend!_

**_PerryThePlatypus_ ** _: So we’re going to meet up and see each other for the first time!_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: OMG! That’s amazing!! Have fun!_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: I thought you were already dating?_

**_PantasticalCreature_ ** _: Yeah same._

**_PerryThePlatypus_ ** _: I don’t know what you mean._

**_AllBiMyself_ ** _: Looks like Cookie isn’t the only oblivious one in this group._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Idk what you’re talking about >:(_

**_SpAceQueerdo_ ** _: Not this is starting again._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: How about we focus on LaFerry cause they’re actually going to meet each other soon!_

**_PerryThePlatypus_ ** _: Thank you Cookie._

**_PantasticalCreature_ ** _: Yeah, you’re going to have to tell us all about that!_

**_AllBiMyself_ ** _: Wouldn’t it be great if we could all meet up somewhere?_

**_SpAceQueerdo_ ** _: Definitely!_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Who knows, maybe one day we’ll be able to!_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: That’s highly unlikely._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Why do you always have to be so pessimistic? :(_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: We’re living on different continents. I’m realistic, not pessimistic._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Also, I don’t know if meeting you would be such a great idea for me._

**_PantasticalCreature_ ** _: Ouch._

**_LaFonBrain_ ** _: Way to ruin the mood for the next weekend._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: No, I’m happy that you get to meet each other but idk, I just wouldn’t like to do it._

 

To say you are a little disappointed by Panther’s statement would be an underestimation. You cannot help but be curious about her and you would love to know what she looks and sounds and acts like in real life. But you are also not about to ask her more about that in front of the others. They all already think you have a crush on her and you do not want to make it worse so you switch to a private chat with her.

 

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Why wouldn’t you want to meet us irl?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Why do you want to ask that privately?_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Cause Laf and Perry are excited to meet each other and you normally have pretty good arguments whenever we’re discussing something. I don’t want them to rethink that._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: As I said, I’m not saying that they shouldn’t meet up. I just think it’d be bad if I met any of you._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: So you truly are a grumpy old man? That would explain the way you’re texting sometimes :P_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: >:(_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: I’m just joking… but seriously, why don’t you want to meet us._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: I just think you’d be disappointed._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Why would be disappointed?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: I’m just… different. You don’t really know the person I truly am…_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Well, I don’t share everything with you either but this is still a part of who I am. Just because we don’t know everything about you, doesn’t mean we don’t know you at all._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: But you’re actually a good person._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: What is that supposed to mean?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: I’m not as much of a good person as you might think I am… Actually, just today I found out that I might be more of a bad person than I thought I was…_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: I don’t believe that. Who would say that you’re bad?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Nobody said that… but I did things I’m not proud of. I’m still doing them._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: So? Everybody makes mistakes. It’s human._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: But I don’t know how to make it better…_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Well, I’m having a hard time believing that there’s something you need to make better but I’m always here in case you need help._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Thank you :)_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: You’re welcome :)_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Still don’t want to meet me?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: What happened to want to meet us?_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Idk, I think I could go without the other’s comments the first time I meet you…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Yeah, same… I’m also pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be sharing you ;)_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: So you’d be up for it?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Why do you want to meet me so badly?_

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Idk, aren’t you curious what we all look and sound like? I want to know more about you._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: I am… but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: I’m sorry._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Don’t apologize! It’s alright._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Besides, knowing our luck we probably live on the opposite sides of the country…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Probably._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: I got to go now. There’s someone calling me and they’re already mad at me._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: Okay, talk to you later._

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: Bye, cupcake._

**_CookieMonster_ ** _: I still don’t understand why you keep calling me that when my name is literally CookieMonster…_

**_LargeMidnightPanther_ ** _: :*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and commenting!  
> I hope you all have a wonderful day you beautiful Creampuffs!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a lot of information about the camp, a couple of new characters, some emotions and a lot of yelling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride Month!
> 
> TW: mentions of suicide and bullying. It's brief could maybe still be triggering so there's a (**************) before and after if you want to skip it. (The marks are just for the suicide part, the mentions of bullying are spread throughout the whole chapter but not more than in the other ones)
> 
> I hope you like it! Have fun reading!

You do not realize how much time you had spent sitting by the lake until you hear Mattie’s voice blaring through the speakers spread around camp telling you to gather in the cafeteria for dinner. Reluctantly, you leave your place on the rock and make your way over to the main square.

“Hey Laura!” You hear Emily call your name just as you arrive in front of the cafeteria. “This is my older sister, Charlotte.” She introduces the person next to her, who looks as if she is about your age.

You smile at her and she nods at you in return.

“We should head inside and take a seat before Mattie starts her speech. She hates when people are late.” Emily says while already making her way up the stairs to the front door.

“So is this also your second time here?” You ask Charlotte while tracing behind her sister.

“No, I wasn’t really too interested in attending until Emily came back last summer and couldn’t stop talking about this place. She got me to audition and now she is just kind of dragging me around, I guess.”

“Oh well, it’s great that you got in! Which instrument are you playing?”

“I can play the piano, but I’m mostly here to improve my violin skills.”

“Oh, that’s nice! I’ve always wanted to play the violin, but my brain is so used to the threads on my guitar, I can’t really play without them.” You answer Charlotte as Emily leads you to the cafeteria, clearly looking for someone.

“I don’t think my friend is here already but she always used to be late last year, too. I’m sure she’ll find us.”

Emily eagerly sits down at a table close to the podium where you expect Mattie will appear soon.

“So what do you think the challenge is going to be like this year?” Emily asks excitedly and you just shrug with your shoulders.

“To be honest, I didn’t quite understand what is meant by the challenges.”

“Oh, it’s like a big project everyone works on while they’re here. Obviously, the main focus is to make music and improve your skills but they always come up with a goal to work towards to so you will have something to show off by the end. Last year we created our own musical and performed it. That was so much fun!”

“And you really nailed your part in it last year.” Carmilla says while sitting down next to Emily and across from you. “Good to see you again.”

“Hey Carmilla!” Emily greets her happily. “Good to see you, too! This is Laura and that’s my sister Charlotte. It’s their first time at camp this year!” Emily introduces you and for some reason, you are not even surprised by the fact that your one chance of ignoring Carmilla as best as you can and finding other people to hang out with just completely obliterated.

“Nice to meet you, Charlotte, I’ve heard a lot about you from Emily last year.” Carmilla turns to Charlotte, who greets her silently with a nod.

“And I already met Laura” Carmilla says while staring at me. “We’re roommates this summer.”

“Oh my god, Laura you got so lucky!” Emily tells you and it takes a lot for you to not start laughing at the irony. “Carmilla is like the best musician at camp! You’re going to make such amazing music together. I can’t wait to hear it!”

You cannot believe your eyes but Carmilla starts blushing and looks away from you after that compliment. There might even be a genuine smile forming on her face instead of her signature smartass smirk but her hair falls in front of her face so it is hard to tell. It is disturbing, to say the least.

Before this whole situation can get even more awkward for you than it already is, Mattie steps up to the podium and calls for your attention.

“Welcome Campers. I am so very excited to see so many returning faces as I am thrilled to welcome the many new attendants this year. I hope everyone has had a pleasant arrival. I will keep this as short as possible as I imagine that everyone must be hungry, exhausted and more than ready to have dinner. First of all, I shall remind you of the rulebook that has been sent to everyone and is available in every hut. Please follow those rules or otherwise I have no choice but to send you home ahead of time.

“Just like every year, our team has come up with a task for you all to fulfill. This year you will be working in groups of four to create and record your own albums. It is expected to be filled with at least 20 minutes worth of high-quality music, however, it is on you to decide what kind of songs you would like to feature. They can be self-written or cover songs and their styles are completely up to you. Once again we have put a great amount of work into forming the groups you will be working in for the next eight weeks. They will consist of two huts each and you can find the arrangements on the display outside of the cafeteria. You are expected to have your first group meeting tomorrow after breakfast but feel free to get a head start tonight. If you have any question or are in need of support in any other way, our staff will always be happy to help. You can recognize them by the “staff” shirts they are wearing.

“Finally, I should add that with your approval the best three albums will be posted online on our website for advertisement and uploaded to all streaming services for the world to listen to them. Obviously, this may prove to be very useful to all of our older campers who are considering applying to music school as the Anglerfish Music Camp is considered one of the most prestigious music camps in this country.

“This should be all. I hope all of you will have a nice stay and I am looking forward to listening to your finished work. Bon appétit!”

The campers clap as Mattie leaves the podium. Your table is the first one to make their way to the buffet and you silently follow Emily who is already excitedly talking to Charlotte about her plans for their album. You try your hardest to ignore the lack of space between you and Carmilla while waiting in line to grab your plates.

“Laura, can I talk to you for a moment?” She asks you quietly and clearly only intends you to hear her.

“We are going to be living together for the next eight weeks, I’m sure there will be enough talking.” You answer equally as quiet, focusing on balancing the cutlery and plate in your hands.

“I’m serious. Please promise me that we’re going to talk at some point today.”

Looking up at her you are surprised to not find some weird underlying sarcasm hidden in her facial expression. She is frowning at you and if you did not know better you would think that she actually seems kind of worried.

“I don’t know if there’s anything that we should be talking about but I mean if you are able to cut back on your typical Carmilla-esque sarcasm, I’m sure we’ll be able to talk.” You answer and turn your attention back to that delicious looking lasagna in front of you.

You hear Carmilla scoff behind you.

“I’m certain I can cut back on sarcasm. However, I don’t know if you’ll be able to let me finish even one sentence without interrupting me first.” Carmilla throws back and that caring attitude from just three seconds ago is gone in a heartbeat.

“I think it’s more likely that a FaceTime call from your girlfriend is going to interrupt us.”

You add a bottle of water to your tray and make your way back to your table without waiting for Carmilla.

“Careful, Laura. You almost sound jealous.”

You swallow the lump that forms in your throat after hearing that statement and remind yourself that no, you are not jealous. At all.

“Do you want me to sound jealous?” You answer your ex-best friend and mentally fist bump yourself for how dumbfounded you made her look.

“So did you see who you were paired up with?” Emily says quickly while sitting down.

Both Carmilla and you shake your head no.

“She insisted we’d check before everyone else was done with dinner.” Charlotte explains a lot less excited than her sister.

“So you’re paired up with hut 309 and should be Elsie and Mel. You still remember them from last year, right Carmilla?”

“Vaguely. Wasn’t Mel a huntress of Artemis and Elsie a damsel in distress in last year’s play?”

Emily nods in agreement.

“Great… at least we got one more competent person in this group.” Carmilla adds and stabs her lasagna.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, curious after seeing her reaction.

“Well, let’s just say that Elsie is really good at playing the piano and keeps getting in because of it but insists on using this camp as an opportunity to develop her singing voice which isn’t an inherently bad thing to do unless, of course, you have already scared away three vocal coaches in the past three years and I’m guessing she added one to the list in the past year.” Carmilla explains calmly and you hope that she is either exaggerating or this Elsie person has had an epiphany over the last year and never wants to sing again.

“Mel, however, is a really good guitarist so you’ve got some serious competition.” She adds with her signature smirk.

“But you must be insanely good, Laura!” Emily exclaims excitedly. “They normally never pair up first years with the older, more experienced campers when it comes to the competition. And Carmilla, Mel and Elsie were pretty much the best last year, well, if Elsie would stick to playing the piano.”

Before you get the chance to thank Emily for that compliment, Carmilla adds in her usual snark.

“Or, you know, they just put you into my group because they know that no one allowed to attend this camp could be so bad that they would keep me from winning.”

You roll your eyes. As insecure as Ell and Carmilla have made you feel over the past three years, there is nothing you are more confident about than your ability to play the guitar and bass. Especially, because that is the one thing you put all of your time and effort in over the last three years when your afternoons were not spend with Carmilla anymore.

You spend the rest of the dinner quietly listening to Emily ranting about the many possible ways to include the contrabass in modern songs and how she cannot wait to finally play something differently from classical music.

After you are all done eating, you get up to clean up your empty trays.

“Oh no, here we go.” You hear Carmilla, who once again stands uncomfortably close to you, quietly swear behind you.

“Heeey Carmilla!” A blonde girl embraces her in an awkward hug while a dark-haired girl stands behind her, looking as if she is ready to harm and possibly kill anyone who dares to speak to her.

“Hello, Elsie.” Carmilla mumbles while still behind smothered by the slightly taller girl, who does not seem to realize that the appropriate time for a friendly hug has long surpassed.

“Oh my god, it’s so nice to see you again!” Elsie proceeds and takes a step back to end the hug but still keeps her hands placed on Carmilla’s shoulders. “Did you get the texts I’d send you?”

“Oh no, I must’ve forgotten to text you my new phone number. I’m so sorry.” Carmilla answers without even the slightest trace of honesty but Elsie does not seem to notice the blunt sarcasm.

“The official reason blondie dragged me over here was to ask you if you wanted to start talking about the task already.” The dark haired girl mentions, clearly annoyed by Elsie’s behavior.

You start to wonder if maybe she would be up to switching cabins with Carmilla. It does seem like she would appreciate spending just a little bit less time with Elsie, just like you would appreciate getting away from Carmilla at any given opportunity.

“I’m Mel by the way.” She introduces herself to you.

“Laura.” You answer shortly and smile at her which she just acknowledges with a quick nod.

“Oh, so you must be Carmilla’s new roommate. So nice to meet you, Laurel.” Elsie turns to you while using the opportunity to throw one of her arms around Carmilla’s neck, who just looks more annoyed by the second.

“It’s Laura.” Both you and Carmilla answer at the same time.

You look at Carmilla quizzically but she just adverts your eyes.

“Whoopsies! My bad! I’m just not really great with names. So Carmilla, what do you say? Should we get a head start on the project?”

It does not take a genius to understand that Elsie does not care about your opinion on the matter so you try your best to not hurt your eyes by rolling them too hard. Of course, that is the exact moment Carmilla looks at you again and starts smirking after seeing your gesture.

“Actually, I can’t. I still need to unpack my stuff and assemble my drumkit. So tomorrow will have to do.” Carmilla removes Elsie’s arm from her and takes an unexpected step towards you. “You’re going to help me with that, right?”

Her signature smirk has found its way back to her face and you start to wonder what you would have to do to wipe it off of her.

You get the feeling that she is planning something and while you are not particularly fond of what that might be, you also do not want to spend more time than necessary watching Elsie flirt with Carmilla, so you just nod.

“Fantastic. See you tomorrow.” Carmilla quickly dismisses the two of you and practically drags you out of the building towards your hut.

You are already leaving the main square when you realize that Carmilla is still holding you by your wrist even though you are easily keeping up with her now.

“Could you please let go off my hand?” You ask politely, which surprises yourself but everything about the last 10 minutes was really confusing to you so you just do not question it.

“Oh, of course. I’m sorry.” Carmilla lets go of your hand as if touching it had suddenly hurt her.

“So, does Elsie know you have a girlfriend?” You ask before giving it another thought.

“Yes, she does. I told her last year. Multiple times.” Carmilla answers annoyed.

“Are you sure she knows that that is still the case?”

“It’s not like telling her would make a difference. She’s already made me well aware of that last year.”

“But to be fair, you weren’t really actively rejecting her either.”

Carmilla forcefully slams open the door to your hut and then turns around to you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” You answer quickly and make your way past her into your cabin.

“Do you really think so poorly of me that you would think I’m going to a summer camp to cheat on my girlfriend?” Carmilla closes the door behind her and stares at you angrily with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Oh my god, I’ve never even said that.” You defend yourself poorly.

You do not have any intention of accusing her of something that you know nothing about but the possibility of Carmilla cheating on her girlfriend just adds to the list of how she turned into a horrible person in the past three years. And if you were to let that one small, pathetic, nostalgic part of your brain take over for one second, you cannot help but admit that it felt a lot like she had cheated on you, too, back when she started ignoring you to hang out with Ell.

“But that’s what you think, isn’t it?” Carmilla takes a step towards you.

“Why would you even care about what I think?”

“Because… because if you tell your giant puppy friend about it, he’s going to run to Ell and she’s already giving me a hard time for coming here. So I can’t have you making that worse because it is impossible for you to not stick your nose into other people’s business.”

Carmilla is absolutely fuming now and you do not think that you have seen her this angry before.

“Jesus Christ, Carmilla! Calm down! I’m not going to talk to anyone about you! Even if I thought you were cheating, you’re right, it’s none of my business and I could care less about your relationship with Ell.”

“Good!” Carmilla yells back at you. “And I would never cheat on my partner.” She adds a little bit less angry.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Silence fills your cabin as the two of you just stare at each other.

“Didn’t you want to unpack?” You say after you cannot handle the awkwardness any longer.

“Right.” She quickly uses the opportunity to turn away from you and kneels down to a rather large bag.

You hear her opening a zipper as you make your way up the bunk bed.

“Didn’t you want to help me with that?” She asks you and even though you have got your back turned to her, you can tell that there she has got her lips formed to her signature smirk.

“Never said that.” You answer quickly and lay down on your bed. “That’s what you got if you play an instrument that requires half an hour to assemble.”

“I just thought you wanted to be a nice person and help me out, but fine. I’ll remember this lack of enthusiasm to help me when I get a creative moment in the middle of the night and just have to get up and play some drums.” Carmilla answers and you roll your eyes.

“As if you won’t do that anyway, regardless of me helping you right now or not. Besides, isn’t the whole point of using an electronic drum set to not annoy your surroundings by playing?”

“Well, I guess you going to find that out soon.”

“Mhm, well it hardly won’t be worse than your snoring, so I’ll probably be glad if you play the drums instead of sleeping.”

You can tell Carmilla stopped working on her drums to look at you and you have a hard time to keep that smirk off of your face.

“I do not snore.” She states matter of factly but clearly bothered by your statement.

“Oh but you definitely did three years ago and as far as I know, these things only get worse when you’re getting older.” You sit up on your bed and throw her a fake smile.

“Well you are a child and you know nothing.” She throws back and if you look really closely, you can spot the tiniest of pouts on her face, which only makes it harder for you not to laugh.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Her frown is too much for you so you cannot help to start laughing a bit and you are surprised to see her crack a little smile, too.

“What was in that letter?” Carmilla asks out of nowhere and your smile disappears immediately.

“None of your business.” You answer quickly and drop back onto the bed.

“Well, I gave it to you and you’re mad at me because of it so I am pretty sure it is my business.”

“Then why don’t you just ask Ell about it.”

“I did but she wouldn’t tell me anything, so I’m asking you.” Carmilla gets up from the ground and makes her way towards you.

“It’s not that interesting. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” You answer reluctantly and stare at the ceiling.

“A big deal out of nothing? If memory serves me correctly you ran out of this cabin crying because of this letter just four hours ago!” Carmilla is raising her voice again and she is standing right next to you.

Your eyes start to burn and you roll onto your side so she will not see you cry yet again.

“Just leave me alone, Carmilla.”

“No, I won’t. I’m far from happy about this living arrangement but this is clearly bothering you more than me and that letter is one reason for it so just tell me so we can both get over with it.”

You turn your head into your pillow and take a deep breath.

“It’s in my back bag.” You whisper and listen carefully for Carmilla’s reaction.

For a moment you hear nothing. Then she slowly walks towards where you left your bag on the ground and you can hear her rummaging through its contents. It is not difficult to pinpoint the exact moment she finds the letter and takes it out. She seems hesitant to open it first but after a while, you can hear paper crinkling.

(**********)

Her quiet gasp is all it takes for you to start sobbing into your pillow.

“Fuck, Laura, I really didn’t know. I’m sorry.” Carmilla says earnestly but you make no effort to answer her.

“Are you… okay?” She asks carefully and you cannot help but laugh cynically.

“Obviously, I’m peachy. Now fuck off and leave me alone.”

“I’m being serious. Did you ever… you know…”

You sit up and look at her which actively interrupts her uncomfortable rambling.

“What? Think about killing myself because your precious girlfriend and her friends think this world would be better off without me?” You throw back harshly and Carmilla looks at the ground.

“Well, did you?”

(**********)

“You don’t get to do this.” You say instead of answering her question.

“What?”

“You don’t get to act like all of a sudden you care. For the past three years you have done nothing but torment me. You are a part of this, too. Hell, Ell even mentioned that you felt the same about me in that fucking letter so you don’t get to act like you care because you don’t!”

You do nothing to stop the tears from trailing down your cheeks.

“I swear, I didn’t know what Ell wrote in that letter and I never did any of these things. That was all Ell.”

“Right. You didn’t do anything. All you did was stand by her and watch it happen without doing anything to stop her either. And do you want to know the worst part about it? I don’t even know why. One day everything is fine and then the next thing I know my best friend turns out to be my worst enemy.”

“It’s not like you were completely innocent in that development.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That I deserve to be bullied? That it’s my fault you choose Ell over me? You don’t get to blame this on me. This was all you.”

“No, it wasn’t, Laura. You did bad things, too.”

“Are you kidding me? What could I have possibly done to you that justifies all of the things you put me through? All of the things you let me go through alone. Jesus fucking Christ Carmilla, my mother died and you were too busy fucking your girlfriend of a month to be there for me.”

“Laura…”

“No, there isn’t any apology or explanation good enough for that, so can you please for once not be an asshole and just leave me alone!”

You flop back down onto your bed and turn away from Carmilla, hoping she is going to drop the topic and listen to you. After a short moment of heavy silence, you hear footsteps and her leaving your cabin.

For the first time in a long time, you feel like you are finally able to breathe again. You had not realized how badly you wanted Carmilla to know how you felt about her in the past three years.

You slowly climb out of your bed and head into the bathroom to wash the mostly dried tears off your face and quickly brush your teeth. You make sure to drink a big sip of water to make up for all of the fluid you lost today. You quickly change into your pajamas and after picking up your phone, you make your way back up to your bed.

There are a bunch of new messages in your group chat but you are too tired to look through them right now so you just set an alarm for the next day and just as you are about to put your phone away, you get a message from Panther.

 

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Human beings are infuriating._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Did you only now figure that one out?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _No._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _But it has been brought to my attention again._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _How so?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _I don’t really know how to explain it to someone that doesn’t know all of the backstory there is to the situation._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _You could try though :)_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Only if you want to, of course!_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Some people just think they’re better than others._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Well, that’s a common problem in society. You’re going to have to be a bit more specific._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _You know how I said I did some not so great things in the past?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Yeah, what about it._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Someone just made me very aware of that again. But apparently, they don’t remember how they kinda started this whole mess in the first place and now only blame me for it._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _That sounds… really complicated._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _I’m not really comfortable with going into much detail but let’s just say that there have been a couple people in my life that didn’t take my coming out too well._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Assholes._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _And now they’re acting as if I’m to blame for them not wanting to me in their life anymore._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Omg, are you serious? What kind of awful person does that?_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _They’re not awful._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Well, if they make you feel guilty for being yourself then they are definitely not nice people either!_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Thanks cupcake._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _That’s nothing you have to thank me for._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _Also, if I knew you in real life then I would totally krav maga that person’s butt!_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _I don’t understand how you can make something like that sound so incredibly adorable._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I could also krav maga your butt and then you can tell me again that it’s adorable._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Why does that sound so tempting? ;)_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _omg stop_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _But I didn’t do anything :)_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _You’re unbelievable._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Not the first time someone called me that._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _…_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I’m going to bed now._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Noooo, don’t leave me! :(_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding someone else to entertain you while I’m sleeping with that seductress of the night scheme you’ve got going on._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Is it just me, or is there some jealousy between the lines?_

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _In your dreams._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _:(_

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _So I guess you already know that no one else could stand a chance against you._

**_CookieMonster:_ ** _omg, good night, panther._

**_LargeMidnightPanther:_ ** _Sweet dreams :*_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first of all, I'm truly sorry it took me ages to write and upload this and unfortunately I can't say that regular updates will be coming soon. Life has been crazy in both, good and bad ways, in the past couple of months and it's probably going to stay like that for a while.  
> Right now my goal is to upload once a month and I'm going to try my very hardest to keep my word this time.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the nice comments. It is amazing to read all of your thoughts about this story.  
> I hope you all have a nice day and again Happy Pride Month!

**Author's Note:**

> In case you want to yell at me: @JenChaseTP on Twitter  
> Have a nice day!


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